Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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