so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
as a side note pls kill me
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