and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
