what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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