end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
