She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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