I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
