You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
