This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
