I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize