i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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