Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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