If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
