R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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