this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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