Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If that was your dad, he is hot
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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