do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
