Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Drunk is not a location!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
