Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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