No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I looked at my own cervix.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
