You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Panties = found
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
