last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
