somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
