She's JV to your varsity
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
