dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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