party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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