Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
