Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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