Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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