you didnt know i had herpes?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
