i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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