If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
