My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
