you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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