we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
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We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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