Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
