In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
