A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
