Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
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I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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