my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
