Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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