Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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