The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
