This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
