Can i not drive my cunt home
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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