We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
