I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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