Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
