just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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