you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
