My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
