Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
