just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
