i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
