Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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