How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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