totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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