i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
