he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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